So, by now my precious little embryos have implanted….I don’t want to think about the other option, so please zip your lips!

I am still feeling  happy and positive, but at this stage a sprinkle of the ‘what if’s’ have set in. Nothing to seriously though.

I have gone a little over the edge in this TWW. I know that some of you are going to think that I have gone completely insane. Maybe I have!!! Who knows!

I seem to have adopted a different approach. I know very well that this is the last time I will have to endure 14 days of torture and so I have decided to make it more enjoyable.  I know thats a contradiction in terms, but here is my reasoning.

There is nothing I can do at this stage, our embryos are either going to make it or not. So in order to make the experience a little more pleasant I’ve decided to believe that its a done deal. I don’t know how I have managed to convince myself of that, but I have. So, I have bought myself two pregnancy magazines, AND I allowed my mom to buy me nappies on Saturday!

GASP! HORROR! WHAT! I hear you say……

I would never have dreamed of doing this with the other IVF’s because I always thought that I would jinx it, but this time is different. I feel different about it. I think that it may be because it is the last. I figure if this doesn’t work then this TWW is the closest I’ll ever get to being pregnant and so I’m enjoying the feeling. That feeling of being special, the feeling that I felt when I actually WAS pregnant. I want to treasure that and I want to hang on to THAT SPECIAL AWESOME FEELING for as long as I can.

Will I feel silly for doing this if our test is negative?

No! I’ve already decided on it, because there will be a child! Whether I carry it into this world through a pregnancy or if we become parents through the miracle of adoption. So those nappies will be used and so will those baby clothes that I keep hidden in a draw……I’ll tell you a secret, I’ve taken more than a few peaks at them as well.

Otherwise, I have been emotional and moody. I was thinking about throwing something at my husband earlier today because he asked me to take him through to the East Rand. His car is in for a service in that area. The discussion was finally settled when he agreed with my idea to take the Gau.train instead! Woman are always right during an IVF, ALWAYS!

Symptom wise…………do we really care! does it make a difference at this stage. It could be progesterone and it could be stress, who knows. I have had a feeling of sometimes being ‘off balance’ and if I stand up too quickly I feel a little dizzy. I’m not sure if this is a side effect of the fragmin. It’s doesn’t bother me to much, so I am just dealing with it. I also have the extreme tiredness, which is definitely the progesterone and the usual br.east aches. And I feel like eating everything, but this could be comfort eating.

So bring on next Tuesday! I have tried to convince my hubby to test on Monday but he really wants to wait so I’ll respect his wishes. We are taking the day off and spending it doing something nice – No matter what happens. I guess I’ll either be having wine or appletizer with lunch.

I am not going to POAS at all! I have thrown away all preganacy tests in the house, so we will truely only know when we do the beta on Tuesday morning. I don’t like those things. They just freak me out so I am staying away!!

Thanks for all your sms’s and wishes. They mean so much! They really really do!

To end off….I am so happy for Chopper. Her miracle has been granted and I wish her and her hubby all the best!!

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