Happy Friday Peeps!
Just a reminder.
I am now blogging as Fertile minds over at http://fertilitycoaching.co.za/dir/
Dearest Followers,
I have moved to a self hosted domain. Please follow me here http://www.fertilitycoaching.co.za
Lotsa Love Sian
I’m still feeling rather blagh! I have had this horrible head cold on and off for about two weeks now and I am so over it!!! On top of that I still feel really down in the dumps. I am hoping that my state of mind will improve soon because I really just feel a bit hopeless at the moment.
I honestly don’t feel like getting into all the details of my woes on this blog because I feel like a bit of a whiner of late. So lets talk about the other WINE……….my favorite kind…..:-)
Now if you know me in real life you will know that I love wine; and if you know me really well you will know that I am a wine snob. I will not judge those who choose to drink wine from a box (Unless its Overmeer, then I question your sanity), just please don’t make me drink it!
A nice Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc is my absolute favourite!
On a normal ‘glass of wine in the evening’ kinda day, any Chardonnay will do. Normally, my go to wine is something like this….
If I have had a bad day….or a really good day…..there is nothing better than a nice glass of this;
And if I have had a really crappy day …..or a really excellent day…..or its a Sunday! There is nothing better than a delicious glass of this! My favourite at the moment.
What are your favourite wines?
Cheers!
So we have officially been on the adoption waiting list for five months now. The time has flown by and to be quite honest, I haven’t lingered on the thought of another baby much at all. People have asked, “Whats happening with the adoption?,” and my answer is always the same, “We are waiting! One day we will get a call and that will be that!”
For me, waiting for number two has been the complete opposite to what I experienced the first time. We waited nine months the first time and I yearned for that call every single day. I was desperate for it to happen and I called our social worker religiously every month to check in. This time around I have had much less contact, in fact I contacted our social worker on whats app for the first time this week since February. This is mostly because she told us that she would prefer for us not to contact her. She assured us that she NEVER forgets about her adoptive parents and that the next time we hear from her would be when she had a match. So I have left it at that.
I have felt quite disconnected second time around, but if I really think about it I may be forced to admit that I am distancing myself from this waiting thing on purpose. I can’t think about it too much because I know that it will start to consume my mind. I will start to think about if our birth mother is pregnant, how far along she is, how she is feeling. I will start to look at baby clothes and dream a little and maybe that reminds me a little too much of the first time.
I received my cousin’s baby shower invite this week and it stung a little…….I think that’s actually why I am writing this post, because its unearthed the feelings that I didn’t really want to feel.
But as we know we could become parents again anytime from now. That call could be around the corner. All in time and on time.
So we continue to wait and keep as busy as we can so we can’t think about it too much.
I have been missing my blog. I have always been able to unload and work through my feelings here, but lately I have just been so busy. So busy that I actually feel like I have lost touch with ‘ME’.
The first half of this year has been hectic. I really wanted to take my business to the next level because I am just sick and tired of battling. I love what I do (when I get to do it) and I really want to make it work, but its hard people, so hard. Its hard to secure work and then its a challenge to get paid on time. Running a small business is not for the faint hearted, but I will not throw in the towel just yet! I have put too much into it. Thankfully, the next six months looks promising.
On top of the stress of running a small struggling business I have also had some other issues to deal with which have really added to my stress levels……but I will write about them later…….
Currently, I feel a bit broken. I have no more energy and very little tolerance. I am running on empty and I am not coping!!! (It takes a lot for me to admit that)
Normally, I can take a lot of pressure, and normally I absorb it and get on with it, but lately I honestly feel like I am carrying a boulder. Its not one particular thing that is making me feel this way, its the accumulation of many things. I feel out of control and sad. My self esteem has taken a beating and I have put on 5 kgs. I am so angry with myself for putting on weight, but I also worry that I am putting too much emphasis on the weight instead of tackling the things that have caused me to put on the weight.
I have realized that I need to ask for help, and put in some boundaries. This is not a post about me feeling sorry for myself. This is a post about realizing that I am not being kind to myself. I am not doing the right things to help me refuel and create a sense of balance in my life. I am sure that all of you can identify with this……we push ourselves and we push ourselves and we rarely make time for ourselves. Time for our bodies and our souls to recover and regroup.
For some reason I feel I need to be super woman. I need to just deal with everything myself …….because to ask for help is weak. Anybody identify with this?
This week I am going to be kinder to me. I am going to be good to me.
I need…
To go back to banting and cut out all the crap I have been eating.
Get some exercise.
Read.
Meditate.
Take a long hot bath without any interruptions.
Reconnect with me.
More posts to follow.
I haven’t been very inspired to write on this blog lately. There is a lot for me to write about, but I just cant seem to put the words down.
We are nearly half way through the year, and I cant believe how fast its gone! I know, its a really corny statement to make ……..but really!
I set myself some pretty awesome goals this year and I am nowhere near to achieving them. LOL
The first is a business goal. Our small little business has been chugging along for years and this year I decided that I really wanted to take it to the next level. I have always been scared of selling and this year I decided that I need to get over myself and get out there. So I have been marketing my ass off! Its a tough job, and I’m not seeing any results yet. But hey these things take time. I must make a breakthrough this year, I just simply must and I will because I am determined.
The second is a physical goal. I lost 15 kg’s last year and it has done so much for my self esteem. I want to get rid another 8kgs this year and I want to get fit. So far I have only managed to maintain my weight. I suppose I have been focusing more on goal number one ….and when the going gets tough….I turn to the carbs!!! He he.
BUT I will press on!
I seem to have made a breakthrough in 2014 that has given me the confidence and the balls to go after what I want. April was a crap month, but there will always be crap months. As long as I pick myself up and carry on I will be OK.
So we have finally finished our screening for baby number two.
We went for our final panel meeting with Procare on the 19th of January and all I needed to do from there was print and courier our profile to their offices. It took me three total makeovers of the profile until I was happy, but after I received the printed version I could just feel that THIS was us.
So I couriered that off to Procare, but strangely enough I didn’t quite feel that excited waiting-for-a-baby feeling. It was there, but something was holding me back. Then on Monday I followed up on the processing of our form 30 (s.ex.ual offenders registry) and got the news that it was ready. I called our SW to ask her if she could collect it and when I put down the phone I finally FELT that feeling!
Wooooohooooo! We are going to be parents again! And I know it won’t take long. I have a feeling we will be getting a call around June/July. (That’s just my gut feeling)
We haven’t specified a gender, but we have said that we would love a girl. We are leaving ourselves open to what the universe decides we need…..and more specifically….what J needs. I actually feel very peaceful about it.
We have started to speak to J about a new baby. We have told him that Mommy, Daddy and Jayden are going to bring a baby brother or sister home soon and we have started to refer to the spare room as the baby room.
I am very excited – and a little scared! My new task is to clean out the spare baby room cupboard and clean all the baby stuff up.
So here we go again guys and gals…………..
Well hello there 🙂
Firstly, happy 2015 (Yes I know its February)
As some of you know this is my old blog spot……which I am now moving back to. I had some issues with ‘immeasurablelove’ and subsequently lost all the data. So that’s two years of blogging lost! Grrrr! It works out easier for me to go back here…..so here I am.
I haven’t blogged in ages and I am missing it. I have a lot in my head that I want to write down, and I still want to go on recording all the little things I love about Jayden.
So…..HI! Here we are again!
Hey Bleeps,
If you have been wondering where I am….I am over at http://www.immeasurablelove.co.za
You can all catch me there.
xxxxxx
A Love Beyond Measure 