I knew this day would come and I have been dreading it. Today I am back to work full time. I’ve been working and looking after Jayden since January, but now the honeymoon is over and its back to real life. I have to hand over to our domestic Ethel today and I am finding it sooooo hard. I never anticipated that it would be this hard.

As I sit here typing I have a HUGE knot in my stomach and I just want to pop my head into the kitchen and see how things are going. I hear my boy making little noises and I wonder if he is happy and if he is ok. I know that the most important thing is that he is safe and loved, but I just wish I could clone myself and then I would be 100 percent happy.

………..OK I just popped into the kitchen to get a glass of water. It seems like everything is ok.

Ethel has had two children of her own and she has looked after a child before in the past. So there should be no problem, right?!?! That should make me feel better and have faith in her, right?!? Nope, not one bit. I wonder if she will give him enough love and if she will hold him properly.

She doesn’t know him as well as I do. Will she realise that he is tired and needs a nap?

Will she burp him properly so he doesn’t get cramps?

Will she make him laugh and smile?

Am I asking too much?

I know that just my presence in this house will make her nervous. So I am also going to try my best to keep out of it and let her find her groove.

Eish this is tough!!!