Earlier this year, we had a very special party for my grandmother who turned 80. We took some lovely family photos, followed by a braai and lots of drinks afterwards. Later on in the evening emotional, and wine fuelled I decided to release the six helium balloons left into the sky as a symbolic release. With each balloon I recounted each IVF.

Balloon one: This is for IVF one where we got five embryos and transfered  two. Negative!

Balloon two: This is for IVF number two. Seven eggs, one embryo, negative.

Balloon three: For IVF 3, our first donor cycle. Five eggs – no fertilisation!

Balloon four: This is for IVF four, where we got six eggs and transferred two embryos. This is for Benjamin who was never meant to be.

Balloon five: FET, transfered four embryo’s, negative.

Balloon six: IVF six, our last hope. Eleven eggs, three embryos transferred, NEGATIVE.

….and then today I read a post by the infertility therapist that got me thinking.

We put so much pressure on those embryo’s, and its totally normal. We love our embryos and we dream of them as actual babies (or at least I did) And that’s why the negatives hurt so much. Because of the dream and the hope and the faith.

I’m interested to hear your thoughts bloggies.