Earlier this year I promised myself that I would look after myself, that I would not go of the rails and start the cycle of punishment again (Eating, drinking, smoking). And I really did mean it, in fact I still do! But lately I have realized just how difficult that promise is to keep. Things have been a little rough lately and I am having to make a major effort to keep strong.  I’m hanging on by a thread and I am  really trying not to let myself panic and go into THAT DOWNWARD SPIRAL. It happens so easily………

When I first started seeing my therapist she gave me the perfect analogy and I always think about it. She said, if you are carrying a big boulder, around it only takes one small stone to be placed on top of that boulder to make you completely loose control and perspective. And believe me it feels like I have had loads of little stones added to my boulder lately.

And so, I am trying alternate remedies to keep it together so I don’t totally loose it.

  • Going to gym and getting some exercise.
  • Going to bed early with a good book.
  • Doing creative things like mosaic.

It does take some effort, but its much better than the unhealthy alternative. And honestly I don’t really want to go back to that place again. I pray that the rest of this year will get better……I swear I feel like I am being pushed to my limit.

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