Today I just need to acknowledge something for myself.
The feeling has got very little to do with bitterness, I feel like I am past that stage. Its more to do with sadness and a little bit of desperation.
Its been eight years since I went off the pill. Eight years of hurt, hope, faith and disappointment. We’ve tried what we could. We don’t have a bottomless pit of money and emotion, and we are on an alternative path to parenthood. One that is right for us. One that also has a road that seems endless. The light at the end of this tunnel can only be seen when it actually arrives.
Its been eight years in which I have met many other woman with similar struggles. I am so happy for all their success. Their wonderful miracles, that they have been granted through many different means. My heart is so filled with joy for each and every miracle ……………
……………but is it ok, if I feel a little left out. Is it okay if I wonder why I am still here. I know that my time will come and I need to be patient. But today I need to acknowledge that I am still in that difficult place, and it feels like I have been here for ages.
I will continue to be strong and to live my life in preparation for our beautiful miracle. And I will be positive and believe that it will happen eventually. But dam its difficult! I just needed to say that.