On Saturday we had a wonderful family get together. Its my Gran’s 80th birthday this year and as a gift I decided to arrange some professional photographs of our family. It really was a fab day…..a bit of a mission to organise, but it all worked out in the end. We had twenty adults in the first group photo!!!……and it was really hilarious trying to get everyone to shut up an smile.

We had a big family braai afterwards and most us ended up dancing to my uncles golden oldies in his lounge. It was so much fun! We really partied the night away and only got home at about 1am….I think. As we were all dancing around and having fun I stopped for a moment to have a good look at what an absolutely awesome family I have. Every single on of my cousins is also one of my close friends. They are so so special. We see each other at least twice a month, some we even see every week. We chat about everything that is going on in our lives and sometimes we argue because everyone know everything about everyone………..except for a few very well guarded secrets of course.

So anyway, as I stood there I really felt so blessed……..and I felt sad at the same time. This party was all in honour of my Gran, who is such a class act. I smiled when the photographer arrived and asked me if my Gran was ‘frail’ as she hadn’t met her yet…..FAR FROM IT! The sad part came to me when I started to wonder if I would ever have a party like that thrown in my honor, and by saying that I am not doubting my worth. I know that in life everyone has different experiences and everyone has different lives………..but the one thing I know is that I was meant to have a family. And how I would have loved to have a big family, with lots of family stuff happening.

I guess I am just craving that so much at the moment. I want to be a mother so badly! So so badly! And sometimes it feels like it is never going to happen! And then other times it feels like it is around the corner.

And I’ll tell you another secret……I would still love to be pregnant, but I am not quite sure why.

Ladies, I am finding this very difficult at the moment. Very very difficult!