I need to blog about my weight. It is really irritating me at the moment and I’m kinda beating myself up about it. Although I will admit that I am being hard on myself.
When I was focused on fertility treatment it really didn’t bug me as much. I remember telling my cousin that my ONLY focus was to fall pregnant and that I really didn’t care too much about loosing weight. Every cycle I focused on being healthy of course and a little of the weight would come off – But as soon as that negative result hit me I would indulge. Wine, Chips…all kinds of junk. And it really has taken its toll. Its like another kind of roller coaster as well. Be nice to me….punish me……nice to me…..punish me…………nice….punish…..nice …….punish!!!!
I need to do something because I am really feeling hefty and unattractive. When I was in my teens and early twenty’s I really looked after my weight, in fact I think that sometimes I was quite obsessed with it. For about three years I calculated how many kilojoules I consumed every day and recorded them on a chart. I have a book that told you the kj value of most foods and that was my bible. I eventually memorized all the values and stopped writing them down, but I would still calculate them as I ate. Of course…..this eventually stopped. I got married and I think I just let myself go! Over the nearly ten years of my marriage I have gained nearly 20kg’s……Eish! What I am trying to say here is…..Did I ever really have a balanced approach to my lifestyle? It was either restrict or absolutely ravage.
I reckon there are a lot of reasons for this. I think that certain events in my life have knocked me down, causing me to loose the value of me! Allowing me to place less and less value on my health. Bit by bit I really stopped caring about my welfare and just went with the flow. I am certainly not going to blame all of this on fertility treatment, but it sure has played its part. I was and I still am very angry with my body for letting me down. It has failed me in what I think is my fundamental right as a woman!
Anyway, enough of the how and the why, I want to loose weight. I want to loose 10kg’s and I want to loose it this year. I am going to have to work really really hard I know, and that is why I am giving myself all year. I know I am supposed to be positive, but I reckon I’ll fall down along the way so I’m giving myself extra time. In fact I think the aim is to change my lifestyle and not focus on weight loss.
So, here goes. I am joining weigh less tomorrow and I plan to visit the gym three times a week. I’ll keep you updated!!!