So, I have come out of my dip thanks to a little fluff ball call Naartjie. She really is lovely and has the most sassy personality. There is not much that scares this little fluffington. I think she has completely adjusted and settled in, but I can’t say the same for the other pets. Our other cat, Snowflake, is the most put out, but she will adjust. She is quite interested in Naartjie and doesn’t want to kill her. She just shows her dislike by hissing a lot! I have been her that she is still loved by giving her cuddles and, the thing she appreciates the most….TUNA! The dogs have been so soft and so sweet and they have actually surprised me. They approach Naartjie so carefully and politely and are very careful about how close they get. Of course she still doesn’t understand their good intentions and so just hisses at them, which they think is quite rude, so they just retreat. But all in all things are going well. Its only day three of her arrival, so I think things will get better and better.
So, shall we disect this year…shall we? I’ d actually like to try some thing different here. So I am going to take you through some of my most memorable thoughts and a few of the coments that have really touched me. Join me in a stroll down “memory lane 2010”
- We started January with so much hope. I was so touched by hubby’s softness when he send me this sms while I was in Nigeria. “Morning my possum. I had a vivid dream last night our baby was born in the beginning of October and it was a boy. I cut the umbilical cord and then I was looking at him while he was sleeping. He was wearing his teddy bear suite. I can’t wait, I’m sure we will start our family this year. I can feel it.”
- In February I got angry. When I first saw this post I thought that I had written it after the BFN, but I actually wrote it in the TWW. I actually think I was angry to be in the TWW again……and probably hormonal.
- In March the BFN hit me. Looking back I was not ready for another cycle………not at all.
- And in April I was still confused. I really had lost all confidence in my ability to make a decision. Once again, everything in me was saying STOP….but I didn’t.
- And then in May I think I tried to convince myself that I was okay.
- June was IVF month, and in my early July TWW I threw myself completely into the place of no return. Geez…..can you believe I even bought nappies. Oh well.
- And then the adoption screening started ON THE 23 JULY. Jeeper Creepers!!!! It only took six months!!
And I’m really going to stop my trip down memory lane there. It seems the rest of the year has been spent healing. I don’t think that I really stopped to admit how horribly those last two IVFs hurt me. They caused such deep pain and I will NEVER be going back down that road. I thought I was so ‘with it’ this year, I really did, but I cleary was not. Usually the goal for a new year would be to push as hard as I could at IMPROVEMENT!!!! IMPROVEMENT!!!IMPROVEMENT!!! And maybe I have actually forgotten to look after myself. I need to heal, I’m not sure I gave myself a chance. Adoption will happen *sigh*. It will happen when it happens, but one thing is for sure. I have realized how controlling I wanted to be in a totally out of control situation. I need to work at letting go and healing. I need to rewrite the way I think, I am way to hard on myself….and now I am being hard on myself for being hard on myself!!!!
2011 must be dedicated to healing. Healing my soul. I really don’t know where to start with that, but I will certainly start thinking about it.