Sorry Guys and Gals, this will not be a happy christmasy post!

I debated about blogging about my absolutely foul mood, but decided that I have to get it out. I am so depressed and to be honest I am so glad that Christmas is over. I really didn’t expect this dip at all, its really been quite miserable, Christmas day really was the worst. I had a huge cry, but felt no better. And my reason…..My infertility! Christmas is really a time for family and we made the decision to stay home this Christmas, so its really just been just the two of us which has highlighted the fact that…IT IS JUST THE TWO OF US!!

My heart is really really sad and I really hope that next Christmas will be different. But there are no guarantees are there!!! I have found myself second guessing my decisions this year. In fact I have even found myself second guessing our entire treament journey. Maybe its part of saying goodbye to it??????

Things running through my mind……..

We didn’t try hard enough with my eggs. Why did we move on so quickly?

We should have used the same donor that made me pregnant?

Why didn’t our last IVF work? WHY?!

Where is my miracle? Why do I have to endure this!

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats all folks!