We all know that this is a very personal journey and we all deal with it in a certain way. Some are comfortable with keeping their infertility in the closet and others have one foot out! Others are 100% out and open.

I’ve always been 90% out of the closet from the beginning, but my husband would rather stay in the closet. Truth be told, he was outed by his wife most of the time. There have been times when he has been frustrated by my openness and he has had to reign me in.  I have always spoken openly about our IVF’s and I have never been shy to answer peoples questions. The only thing I have kept quiet is the use of donor eggs, and this was more my families protection and my future child’s protection.

There are many reasons for being in and out of the closet. Infertility is very misunderstood. People are uneducated and I really believe, (once I got past the anger), that they say silly things because they are not educated about the subject. I often wonder if my openess has meant that I experience more of the stupid comments people have. Maybe if I was quieter I wouldn’t have experienced them. Ive come to some kind of understanding as to why some people say certain things. Some of the time I really believe that  some of the comments are not meant to hurt us, but on the other hand some things are pure bitchyness!!!

For example;

Just relax and it will happen – UNEDUCATED RESPONSE

Your house is too small for a baby anyway – BITCH!

Try some seeds in your diet – UNEDUCATED RESPONSE

Maybe you weren’t meant to have children – BITCH!

Now, over the years, in my openness I believe that I have educated a few of these people, and in my experience some of their responses have become more empathetic. Some people don’t want to hear it! They would rather not be educated, they would rather live in their little bubble world…..OR, they simply don’t care.

When HIV was first discovered it was considered a virus that only homosexuals contracted, but with education peoples views started to change. My point is – If you are out of the closet, do you feel that it is part of your responsibility to create awareness?

Can we really get upset with people’s uneducated comments if we don’t set them straight?

Where is the line? How far do we go?

What is education and what is none of their dam business?

I’m exploring the same line of thinking when it comes to adoption. My husband wants to be all hush hush about it, and in a way he is 100% correct. Certain things should be kept sacred for the legacy of our child. They are only for him or her. Things like, the background of the birth parents. But what sort of things are ok to share, and with who?

I’d like to know your thoughts ladies and gentlemen.

 

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