So we went for our WTF appointment of Monday. I don’t know why it has taken me so long to blog about it. I suppose it really wasn’t too much of a big deal.
I was very worried that Dr J was going to suggest surrogacy or say we have a sperm problem or something like that. I just didn’t want to be told that after ALL of this there is something more wrong. I don’t know how I would have reacted to that. I can imagine that its the most frustrating thing!
Anyway, he didn’t! He told us that he was very sad for us and that technically this cycle should have worked. If we had the emotional and financial resources to continue he would advice that we follow the same route. Chances are that it would work eventually, especially since we have received a positive in the past.
We told him about our plans to adopt and he gave us the name of another social worker. We also told him who we are seeing tomorrow and he said he has heard good things about her.
I feel good about our decision and the way forward for us. We simply do not have the finances or the emotions to go any further down this route. I feel that we really just got the short straw again and I am sick of gambling. Too much hurt and too much sadness. Maybe, one day in a couple of years we’ll decide to try again, but that is a huge maybe because my feelings towards treatment for me have changed. I need to put my energy into something with better odds and we both feel that for us adoption is the way.
The change in focus is really refreshing and I truly feel relieved that we don’t have to look at doing another cycle. This has been my life for so long. Its been on my mind and in my heart for so long and it has crushed me and broken me. IVF and I are no longer friends.We have had too many disagreements.
I thinking about how infertility squeezes you tighter and tighter everytime, and I really think that I have been neglecting myself as a result. The only reason I ever got healthy or tuned into a positive mindset was for a bloody IVF, and that is not right. I need to start doing all of those things for ME now.
So tomorrow is our first appointment with our social worker and I am so excited! Will blog about the first experience of our new journey soon.
PS: I need to clarify that I don’t feel that treatment doesn’t work for everyone. And I am happy for those that it has worked for. I’ll also be happy for those that it works for in the future. So good luck to all of you gals! I will be following you and hoping for you all the way.
A Love Beyond Measure 
July 21, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Wishing you the best of luck with your appt tomorrow with the social worker. I pray that your adoption journey will be short, fruitful and joyful!
Thinking of you often x-x
July 21, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Hi Ginger – I am so sorry that this cycle did not work out for you and I wish you well with your adoption poa and as Kirsty says, I hope it is short, fruitful and joyful.
July 21, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Can’t wait to hear about your visit with the social worker tomorrow. It’s a whole new journey and we’re all going to be here cheering you on from the sidelines! It’s so wonderful to see you are at peace with you decisions. I truly wish you everything of the best.
July 21, 2010 at 5:06 pm
good luck for tomorrow. i truly hope that your visit goes well hon, will be thinking of you.
July 21, 2010 at 6:52 pm
All the best for tomorrow Sian, a whole new journey full of possibility lie ahead for you, I’m so excited for you both!
July 21, 2010 at 9:35 pm
Do you actually realise what a sweetie you are – right in the midst of your worst devastation, you are worrying it might affect other people… wow. Dear God and angels and universe and whatever else. Please grant Skrambled a very, very gorgeous little baby, in about the same amount of time it took for Sharon to get Ava. She really deserves it! What a lucky little child that will be. Thinking of you lots, you are a brave warrior…
July 22, 2010 at 8:42 am
It kinda peeves me off that the doctors can only say “try again”, if only they knew the emotionally investment that little saying means. Urggg.
Cant wait to read your adoption update, I think you might be going to the same lady i went to? I hope things are nothing but smooth sailing from here on out!
xx
July 22, 2010 at 9:00 am
Sian, I think that once you let yourself off the hook and move onto alternative options for creating a child/becoming a parent it gives you a huge amount of breathing space and isn’t as scary as it may have seemed to us at the beggining of this journey. You are so right about how we focus on our health and our bodies purely from a fertililty and functional perspective rather than because we want to look and feel good about ourselves. I hope this new leg of your journey brings you that precious child you long for and deserve! Treatment does certainly work for many but not for everyone. It’s 100% up to each individual to decide when they want to change lanes and you are so special to aknowledge that very important reality for infertile girls like us. All in our own time and along our own paths but supporting each other 100% along the way! Good luck with the SW – Sooo excited for you guys! xxx
July 22, 2010 at 10:27 am
All the best for your appointment !
July 22, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Thinking of you. Here with you to support you through this new process as much as I can.
xxx
July 22, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Wooooohoooooo! I know the feeling. Good luck my friend, good luck!
July 22, 2010 at 7:02 pm
All my prayers are for you, your partner, and your intended child!
July 22, 2010 at 11:34 pm
I am glad you are hopeful about the future. Best of luck to you. I will be following along.
July 27, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Hey love, I hope you have much success for your new POA. I loved what you said about ” how infertility squeezes you tighter and tighter everytime”. I couldnt have said it better myself. I have been trying to understand this feeling but you summed it up perfectly.
Please keep in touch. i would so love to meet up soon….xxxx