So we went for our WTF appointment of Monday. I don’t know why it has taken me so long to blog about it. I suppose it really wasn’t too much of a big deal.

I was very worried that Dr J was going to suggest surrogacy or say we have a sperm problem or something like that. I just didn’t want to be told that after ALL of this there is something more wrong. I don’t know how I would have reacted to that. I can imagine that its the most frustrating thing!

Anyway, he didn’t! He told us that he was very sad for us and that technically this cycle should have worked. If we had the emotional and financial resources to continue he would advice that we follow the same route. Chances are that it would work eventually, especially since we have received a positive in the past.

We told him about our plans to adopt and he gave us the name of another social worker. We also told him who we are seeing tomorrow and he said he has heard good things about her.

I feel good about our decision and the way forward for us. We simply do not have the finances or the emotions to go any further down this route. I feel that we really just got the short straw again and I am sick of gambling. Too much hurt and too much sadness. Maybe, one day in a couple of years we’ll decide to try again, but that is a huge maybe because my feelings towards treatment for me have changed. I need to put my energy into something with better odds and we both feel that for us adoption is the way.

The change in focus is really refreshing and I truly feel relieved that we don’t have to look at doing another cycle. This has been my life for so long. Its been on my mind and in my heart for so long and it has crushed me and broken me. IVF and I are no longer friends.We have had too many disagreements.

I thinking about how infertility squeezes you tighter and tighter everytime, and I really think that I have been neglecting myself as a result. The only reason I ever got healthy or tuned into a positive mindset was for a bloody IVF, and that is not right. I need to start doing all of those things for ME now.

So tomorrow is our first appointment with our social worker and I am so excited! Will blog about the first experience of our new journey soon.

PS: I need to clarify that I don’t feel that treatment doesn’t work for everyone. And I am happy for those that it has worked for. I’ll also be happy for those that it works for in the future. So good luck to all of you gals! I will be following you and hoping for you all the way.

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