So, two days have pasted since our devastating news and we are still left…..devastated. Yesterday I was hoping that this was all a big mistake and they had read me someone else’s results. I was really hoping for a call to say that we were actually pregnant, but, nothing.
Among the devastation is the overwhelming feeling of guilt when it comes to my husband. At least with donor eggs I could have given him his own genetic child. I told him yesterday how sorry I was about that and even asked him if he was going to leave me. Thankfully the answer was no…..Of course the answer was no! I got a wonderful sms from him today telling me how much he loves me.
I’m incredibly angry with our outcome and very scared that I am going to have to deal with peoples silly silly comments. So I made a bold decision and decided to send out a mail to all our friends and family. I wanted people to know how we are feeling and preemt any hurtful remarks. This is what I sent.
Dear Friends and Family,
I am writing this e-mail for a few reasons, but mostly because I need to share my feelings with all of you.
Firstly I would like to thank you for the support that you have given us over the years.
We have often felt very lonely and misunderstood and we appreciate those who have taken the time to really understand what we are going through.
As most of you know, yesterday we received the news that our final attempt at IVF was a failure.
We really thought that this was THE ONE because we included all of the latest treatments with it.
As a result, we have decided to stop treatment now and put our names down for adoption.
I think we have gone as far as we can in using assisted reproductive technology and we need to accept that adoption is our new path.
It is highly unlikely that I will ever fall pregnant naturally as I have some irreversible medical issues that are more complicated than a little endometriosis.
Please tread carefully when offering us advise and comfort.
Please remember that our experiences have provided us with an educated view of the world of IVF.
So it is unlikely that you can provide us with any updated information.
We are aware that miracles happen, but it seems that they do not happen to us.
The words “Just relax, Adopt and you’ll fall pregnant” or stories of the success of others are cold comfort at this point.
We know that you mean well, but these comments really hurt us and they seem to minimise what we have gone through.
At this moment in time future we will be grateful if you just express your disappointment for us with the words “I’m sorry this has happened”
That is all we need and we ask for.
I’m really glad that I did it. No one had a bad reaction to the e-mail and we got some really wonderful replies back. One in particular touched my heart. It was from one of our friends that is adopted and was so beautiful that I just cried when I read it.
Our appointment with our Dr is on Monday and I am really not looking forward to it. I am very angry and I don’t even feel like stepping foot back there again. I’m not sure what else there is to say. I feel we have done everything in our power. THREE donor cycles! No pregnancy. I reckon that he is just going to tell us to try another donor cycle.
I still feel that this is the end of the road as far as treatment is concerned. I feel that I am one of THOSE woman that IVF just does not work for, and I am not willing to put any more emotion, time or money into it. I would rather focus on something else. I never want to wait for fert results again or do a TWW. It has just become too much.
I’ve chatted to friends about adoption agencies and everyone has been so helpful. So far it seems we have a couple of options. I have called Sharon and Choppies social worker in CT, but unfortunately she can only see us in 2011, because she is very busy. So they have put us on a waiting list if there is a cancellation. I then contacted someone from Adoption SA that we can meet with next week, so we’ll see how that goes.
Thanks as always for all your love and support. I so appreciate every gesture.