It hit me now just how much is a stake here. I’m quite emotional and teary and very very sensitive. Its the most withdrawn I have ever been during an IVF. At the moment, I can only be around people who know me very well and even then I have to be in the mood. We went out for lunch on Saturday for DH’s birthday and I was just not in the mood. Not my usual bubbly self. A much more reserved woman was there, or at least that is the way I felt.
I guess I just want to be still and quiet. I only want opinions, or what-if’s if they are positive. I can’t bear to think too much about a negative result, it really freaks me out.
I don’t want to hear, “What will be will be!” I want to hear, “Its going to work!”…..It has to bloody work!
And just for the record, I do know what the reality is. I JUST DON’T FEEL LIKE ACKNOWLEDGING IT RIGHT NOW!
I find that when I get to this point in a cycle I need to go ahead and put on my I’m-gonna-get-a-positive hat. I need to dive right into that pool of positivity and lap it all up!
Theres no room for level headed thinking, because thats not gonna get me past the tough days. The days of doubt.
So be gone nasty thoughts, carry me home positivity!
Edited to add: I couldn’t put my finger on it earlier, but it’s just hit me! Its about having the nerve to start thinking “I will be pregnant” as opposed to “I may be pregnant”……and then allowing yourself to get excited about it!