I’m not feeling so okay with myself, but I am struggling to figure out why.

This year has been really busy so far. It’s April already and I suppose I’m feeling like I haven’t progressed in the direction  that I would have liked. On the work front I have been very busy, yet I am still trying to get our business on its feet from last year. Socially, we have also been very busy, yet I never seem to manage to spend quality time with the people who are really special to me. I’ve put on weight and I’m really battling to do anything more than lie on the coach on the weekend.

And worst of all……….I am NOT pregnant! There has been no progress when I really thought that there would be. This was supposed to be it, and yet here we are starting all over again. Some days I feel that I can face this next cycle with ease, and then there are days when I can’t face anything! Leading me back to the question. Am I ready for this?

In the past I would have dug deep down and gone with my gut, but I am finding that my gut has decided to take a vacation. That little voice in my head is so confused.

It’s say “Go for it! What are you waiting for? You are wasting time.”

And then “Take some time out, there is plenty of time.”

I don’t trust myself anymore. I lost all the trust I had when I got my last BFN, and as a result I have been having to lean on those that are available for me a lot more than before.

Or maybe I am still grieving? Maybe I am still feeling the aftermath?

I would really love to fast forward to a better place.

I would really love to fast forward to my BFP.

At this point I need everyone to believe for me and to be strong for me, because I feel that I have lost the ability to do that for myself.