Can you believe that I have done this three times. It makes me feel a little insane, it makes me question my gut and it makes me feel really confused.

The first time we chose a donor we didn’t have a full donor profile to look at. In fact we didn’t really have a choice. At that stage donors were recruited by infertility clinics. We were on the waiting list with our clinic for about a year before our clinic found someone appropriate for us. Our nurse told us a few details about our donor and we accepted the offer happily.

The second time we chose a donor we had a wider selection to choose from. In hindsight our decision was hugely based on emotion, but in saying that I don’t think it was wrong. My donors characteristics were similar to mine, but what sold us was her baby picture. She looked identical to me in her baby picture and it sealed the deal for us.

This time seemed a lot harder. After our negative my quest for a donor changed. I realized that we really didn’t need a carbon copy of myself. I needed someone who was going to give me the best chance in getting my positive. It didn’t matter if she was a little taller or if her complexion was  a little darker than mine. I loosened my grip a little and was open to more possibilities.

There is so much information to consider when choosing a donor. So much information available that it can become confusing. Sometimes this can be comforting and sometimes this can be very very confusing.

Over the last week we have been presented with three different donor profiles from three different agencies. I am so glad that we have explored our options. It really has opened my eyes to what is out there.

Tonight, we chose our third donor. She’s not a carbon copy, but she has some really great positives on her side.

Please send us your prayers. Please pray that she is right for us and this cycle will end in a posiitve with a healthy pregnancy.

In some ways I feel like I have just bet my life in a poker game.