I’m sure that we are all familiar with the saying ‘blood is thicker than water’
If you’re not, here is wikipedia’s explaination.
“Blood is thicker than water” is a German proverb (originally: Blut ist dicker als Wasser.), which is also common in English speaking countries. It generally means that the bonds of family and common ancestry are stronger than those bonds between unrelated people (such as friendship).
I’ve been thinking about the relationships around me lately and wondering about that proverb. Ive also been doing some processing on what it means to be denied a child that will not have my genetics.
I think most people, on first glance, would say that it was true. I think that the people who say yes proberly have really good relationships with their families. But today I want to challenge that belief. I want you to think out of the box, and tell me what you think.
Families come in different shapes and sizes, but society seems to have dictated what is ‘normal’.
1. Mom and Dad still married with one plus kids.
2. Mom and Dad divorced with one plus kids. (It seems this is becoming more and more ‘normal’, but wasn’t in the past)
Or the not quite ‘normal’.
1. Homosexual couple with an adopted/donor concieved child.
2. Mom and Dad with donor conceieved/ adopted child.
The definition of normal is wide and personal, and the above is simply my own perception of the world. The undeniable link is that society seems to put a lot of emphasis on genetics. It seems to me that the depth of a relationship may be defined on the genetics tied to it.
I think that society teaches us that we are obliged to feel more or care more for someone who shares our DNA. We have been taught that our loyalty must lie with those who we share genetics with.Why? Surely we are deeper than just DNA. Surely we are cabable of building relationships that are based on more than that. Yes, brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles are special to us and I’m not saying that they shouldn’t be. But are some of them special just because of DNA.It seems a bit shallow to me?
Are we forced into some relationships just becasue society tells us we must? Are we forced to spend time with that uncle, aunt or cousin just because it’s normal?
My brother is my half brother. So does that mean that I should love him 50% less?
A few years ago my uncle discovered that he had a son – he was about ten or so at the time.
His mother had decided to introduce him to his father. She had also given him a choice as to whether he wanted him to be in his life. My uncle met him, but the boy ultimately decided that he didn’t want to be part of his life and the relationship ended.
As his cousins we were quite dissapointed. We had seen a picture of him and we oooh and aaahed over how much he looked like the male cousins. We really wanted to meet him and welcome him into our ‘fold’. But when I think about it now I ask, why did we want to meet him. Is it because we share DNA so therefore he must be part of our lives. Well of course! Thsi is what we have been taught to believe. Is it so we can study his mannerisms and look at how ‘like us’ he is. Yes! But is that really enough. Is that all…..
At the end of the day I think that the answer for me is yes, DNA is important.If it wasn’t we would crave the recreation of little me’s and we would marvel over how similiar we are to our parents. But in saying this I must add that a think that there is too much emphasis put of genetics and relationships. We have been taught that this matters a whole lot more than it actually does. Love is not based on who your mother and father is.
Tell me your thoughts.