Over the weekend I have had lots of opportunity to update my friends and family with the news of our plan forward. I started off with my dad and then my best friend. They both asked me how I feel about the FET and both times my reply was that I was on the fence about it’s success.
If the FET doesn’t work we’ll go on to a fresh cycle, and I have noticed that I keep mentioning this to everyone. As if I have already decided that this FET is not going to work. This became more obvious to me after I had repeated the story a few times, and two other comments from a friend and my mom really made me think.
The first comment was from a fellow IF friend. I was telling her how I was sure that we would ‘win’ on the next two attempts. She smiled at me and corrected me by saying that I would not need the fresh cycle.
Then last night I was speaking to my mom on the phone, I was telling her about what this friend said and she totally agreed. She said “Well if you are going to be negative about it you may as well throw the embryo’s away and just do a fresh cycle” Her comment actually shocked me a little, but ultimately woke me up and helped me to realise – I need to be into this! I have to get off the fence.
Now, I’m not saying that I need to be ‘Miss positive-pants’. It’s more like I need to give this FET a chance. It doesn’t hurt to fall down the rabbit hole again and just let myself go. It will do me no harm. If I get a BFN, so what! I’ll be really upset and then I’ll move on.It’s not going to hurt me less if I was negative to start with.
So here I go, I’m going to give myself the permission to be positive.
I am going to give myself permission to be excited.
I’m going to believe!