I didn’t have too much to blog about today, I didn’t have anything to say until I logged onto my facebook profile. I haven’t really looked at ‘friends’ pics of the festive season, and it was a bit boring in this office. So I decided to do some picture – looking.
I stumbled across a friends pics of Christmas eve. We haven’t seen this ‘friend’ for a while, mostly because she annouced her pregnancy early last year and I just could cope with watching her belly grow. As I am sure you have assumed she is not a very close friend, more of an aquaintence. But still, it’s always akward around those types of friends. They really seem to either REALLY mess up with thier ‘just relax’ CRAP! Or they just avoid talking about anything baby related COMPLETELY!
The lovely bouncy baby girl was born last year. I sent a ‘congrats see you soon’ sms. And on we go with life. We haven’t seen the fruit of her loins yet, for various reasons. However there it was on facebook, all cute and cuddly. Smiling mom and dad and baby! This didn’t bug me too much as it is really great and wonderful and all that stuff. The picture that bugged me was one that was taken of all the woman in that circle of friends. The picture was entitled moms and their offspring. It was a beautiful picture, but one that reminded me of so many hurtful things.
It reminded me how long we’ve been trying to get this right. The oldest baby in the pic was even conceived after we started trying to get pregnant.
It reminded me of what has been taken away from us and how unfair that is. I know that having a child is not about being deserving or not. But you still wonder…..why them and not us. What is so special about them.
It reminds me of how our fertility has weakened friendships that used to be strong. We used to spend a lot of time with this particular group of friends. Unfortuneatly it seems that it is difficult for this fertile community to be around infertile ‘us’. It seems that it becomes too much hard work to empathise with us. And they seem to assume that we can’t be involved in thier life if we don’t have a child, because we can’t understand what they are talking about.
It reminds me that life goes on……..whether you are pregnant or not. And some of us just get left behind and forgotten about, as others carry on with thier lives filled with family and childrens parties and first words and first steps. And we survive all the hurt and pain alone in our houses with ‘almost’ baby rooms and cute babygrows packed away so they can’t hurt us.
………….and we hurt silently, while life goes on.