I’m sure that I don’t have to explain to any of my fellow infertiles how it feels to recieve one of ‘those’ comments. We have all recieved them and they range from uninformed to insensitive to just plain hurtful.
I have spent lots and lots of time raging internally over these comments. My husband/mom/best friend has tried to explain to me time after time WHY people say these things. (and thier explainations do make sense) But it never seems to ease the plain and simple RAGE I start to feel. If I’m honest I have spent hours imagining the owners of these coments being tortured and punished for their “crime”. I know I know…..it’s wrong of me to do this…..but it SERIOULSY makes me mad. And when I am mad…..I am mad!!!
Now a good way to release this RAGE would be to tell the person exaclty how you feel. But alas, this would end friendships, cause family fueds and generally make me look like a total bitch. So here it is on my blog…..at least it is some form of release.
1. “Just relax and it will happen”
Now this is probably the most popular of all the comments and having heard it so many times makes me wonder if most people skipped Biology in school. Or maybe I did, I really must go and check to see if there is a section on relaxing when it comes to human reproduction. I mean if people really mean this they must think I’m quite stupid. After all if it really was that simple, I must be a real idiot to have spent all this money and time on IVF’s.
What I really want to say is…….”Really! After five and a half years of trying I have NEVER thought of that. Thank-you so much I’ll action it immediatly!”
2. ” Just go on holiday and you’ll come back pregnant. I’m sure a trip to the Seychelles costs less than an IVF”
Again I must be a complete moron to have missed this in the Biology books. The reasoning behind this theory is that when you are on holiday you are relaxed. So this comment has a close connection with the previous one.
What I really want to say is…….” Really is there something special in the water over there, because if I could bottle it I could make a lot of money”
3. “My daughter tried for five years. Then she bought an off road bike to take her mind off falling pregnant, and she has just given birth to her son”
This comments shows complete ignorance. Firstly, it implys that you can switch your emotions on and off at will. Anyone who has truely experienced the reality of infertility will know that it is near impossible to take your mind off ‘it’. You never ever do, even if you are taking a break. This leads me to believe that – the off road biking daughter above -never had too much of a serious problem in the first place. I apologise if I offend anyone by saying that. Because everyone is different, but I certainly am not able to simply forget the hurt and despair I have experienced by purchasing something to ‘keep me busy’. This person obviously has no idea how much of a scar infertility leaves on your soul.
What I really want to say is…….” Hmmmm, So off road bikes have healing powers. Why didn’t you tell me sooner”
4. “Oh I just look at my husband and I fall pregnant”
*puke* Why do people feel the need to brag! I mean that is wonderful for you. But how does it help me? This comment is made of pure arrogance. It bugs me the most when people mention this as if it is a curse. It’s like telling someone who has cancer how irritating it is to always be healthy.
What I really want to say is…….”Aww, I’m so so sorry. You must be living in an absolute night mare”
5. “If I could concieve naturally I would take it as a sign that God didn’t want me to have children”
Ouch! Anyone who has ever recieved this comment knows what pure pain and anger it causes.I can’t understand why anyone would say this to anyone without the intention of hurting them. It is a very serious statement to make and I think that this kind of statment deserves a response. However I was just too shocked to give one when I recieved it.
What I really want to say is…….”You know you’re right. It was wrong of me to be so selfish”
6. From an ‘infertile friend’ ‘Don’t worry just relax and it will happen”
This comment hurt me the most.You would expect someone who has been through fertility treatment to have a certain level of empathy when it comes to woman going through the same thing. If you honestly feel this way you haven’t been through what I have been through. Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with the rest of your life. Bye bye.
What I really want to say is…….”I am too hurt to comment”
So, now I’ve said it!!
I’m sure you all realise that I would never actually say any of these things. But I think it gets rid of some of that residual AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!