Okay, so for the moment I am sad. And I am going to let myself be sad.

I was so frustrated yesterday because of my sadness that I think that I ended up doing more damage than good. It was supposed to be a happy day as it was my seventh wedding aniversary šŸ™‚ And it still was. There was just a little cloud hanging over it.

I love my husband so much and I am so grateful for the patience and unconditional love that he has for me. He constantly assures me that we will have a child, he is so positive. Which sometimes completely boggles my mind. Sometimes I think that he might be from another planet (as much as I love him). You see, over the years I have become what I like to call REALISTIC. Even though a certain amount of hope and faith is required in a situation you have to face reality as well. My reality is………

We can try naturally every month and hope for a miracle, but at the end of the day you have to realise that these eggs are still ‘skrambled’.

We will not have endless amounts of funds to keep doing donor IVF after donor IVF until it works. We still need a backup plan …..adoption.

My positive husband has a standard answer to both of these ‘realities’. We will have a baby! Whether is be through a miracle or donor IVF. I so want to let myself go………..and just believe. But what if reality strikes and I have been living with my head in the clouds and it is too late.

Or am I being to pesimistic. Does he know something I don’t. Or is it the control freak in me that needs to hold on concrete evidence. Or should I be letting go …………………………

At the end of the day I have no real complaints about this positive vibe my husband gives off. Because if he was also falling apart right now I would not be holding it together. I love you my wonderful love!

You keep me sane!