Well I cannot believe that it has been a week since my appointment with Dr J. I have been in a recruitement and interviewing frenzy this week ….. and so it has totally slipped my mind.

This amazes me as I ask myself ‘How can a thing like that slip my mind?’

I have found myself in a wierd place as far as this journey goes. I am so excited to be back on the horse. Planning is always good and exciting as it means you are going somewhere. But at the same time I am not as ‘into’ it as I used to be. Don’t worry that staement doesn’t even make sense to me! I am just in such a different place and I don’t know where to be happy or scared.

The place: It’s like….’Oh okay we are trying again’ followed by complete calm. There are no feelings of anger (why do I have to go through this) or sadness (This is unfair)

Quite frankly this scares me. Am I missing something or is this the symptom of all the years. I know that we didn’t actively try for the full five years (two years break) – but I do feel that when you are infertile you are infertile. The pain doesn’t go away just because you aren’t actively ttcing. The only reason we took a two year break was finance. If we had the money we would have been trying. So for the last two years I have been living as an infertile without the means. Which can be very frustrating.

So is this two year break the reason for this feeling of calm? or am I just crazy?

Or am I gonna wake up on CD2 next month and start to panic?

Blog readers….what do you think?

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