In starting this blog I’ve done a lot of reflecting on my road to this point. This has lead to some really good soul searching time, accompanied by some happy, sad, angry and confused emotions.
The first thing I did was visit a previous forum I was on. I dug up all my old posts and reread my journey through my second IVF and my first donor cycle. Then I pulled out my diary and read through all the entries in there.
I must say that the experience was quite amazing and quite a revelation. Although it made me feel sad, it also gave me a chance to release all the negative emotion I have been bottling up over the last two years. Yes TWO YEARS, May 2006 was our last donor cycle.
In the end I have realised just how long it takes to recover from some of the more devastating moments in a fertility journey. I also look back and think “What – I survived THAT!”
Most importantly I have realised that I really never allowed myself to deal with this. I never allowed myself to release all of the hurt and anger I had inside. I don’t know why I never did. Maybe it was knowing that I had to wait before I could do anything else. I was in transit and there was nothing I could do about it.
The release of negative emotion is a wonderful thing. It frees you in a way that I can’t describe.
I definatly need to carry on the work. Clean out the closet. Spring clean my soul. There is definately a lot more reflection coming my way.
Look at me! I’m getting ready to fly!